For my mother....

This is a bit too late, but worth the delay. I originally meant to write this for mother's day and I did start it before Mother's Day (May 11,2008) but I couldn't finish it. In all honesty, I found it quite tough to write about my mother.

My mother would never be the subject of my personal statement for a college application. With all due respect to her, I would not call her a strong or an inspiring woman who has molded me into some kinda awesome. She has been through a lot with my father and she has stuck it out during bad times. In that respect one could write oodles of ode to her inner strength. But in my eyes, those qualities are the least descriptive of her.

She is a simple woman. While I was growing up, she was a stay-at-home mom who mostly cooked, cleaned and made sure the kids did not get into too much trouble. Today in her old age she wants a peaceful life and to see her kids (my brother and I) grow up to lead good lives. That makes it sound like she almost epitomizes the stereotype of a subservient Nepali woman. However, she did break tradition by marrying a non-Nepali, non-Hindu man. Personally for me the one quality that sets her apart and defines her is her adorable girlishness.

For many a mother is like a rock, but my mom is, well, not like a rock. She is more like a pebble floating along rivers and oceans. She gets uber excited on seeing cute little things -puppies, kittens, babies, tulips in spring, baby clothes, youtube videos of puppies and/or kittens among several. In her excited state, there is a glow in her face, a twinkle in her eyes and the brightest smile one could notice on a human face. On the other hand, the reaction is a polar opposite if she were to even get a glimpse of the late Steve Irwin handling a mighty slithering snake on Animal Planet. She literally cringes as her body shudders and her eyes look at others seeking for an explanation for Steve's behavior.

My mother is a petite woman who has defied the globally feared aging process. So the girly attitude suits her well and is accentuated by her chattiness. Men may agree that women are chatty by nature. My mom, however, is chattier than the average woman. Once she starts talking, she goes on and on and on and on and...... you get the point. Needless to say, more than half the time I have no idea what she is talking about. While my dad has completely given up and quite rudely waves her off, I do my usual head nods and hajurs. I have met quite a few 'mothers' who regard their ability to keep silent as a great quality and a symbol of their elevated status. Compared to them, my mom has more of a life within her. And in her liveliness, she comes across more like an adorable girl than a mother of two.

My mother has strong maternal instincts like most mothers. But even they are very much directed by her girlishness. For instance she is always concerned about my hair. A year ago we saw each other after a four year absence. The first thing she said to me - "कपाल त कस्तो लामो भयेछ तारा राम्रो छ " (Your hair is long, but it looks good).

After all is said and done, she is my mother, she is very girly and I love her just the way she is. I love you, mom, and thank you for never dressing me in pink no matter how big the temptation was.

Teetering on the brink of hope....

I have been hopeful of getting an H1B since last April. Unfortunately, I am not getting it. Last week I found out that my application was not selected in the lottery. It bummed me out big time.

But then again, I grew up on Disney and Nickelodeon. So I have a tendency to highlight the bright side of everything and almost instantly look ahead. As far as the Visa debacle goes, I look at this as an opportunity to go back to Nepal and re-acclimatize with my family and the current happenings there. I also want to be involved in some form of non-profit/research work and give back to the community I grew up in. I am chinned-up and looking forward to a new life - I am used to it.

However, there are many for whom not getting the H1B is going to be a lot more difficult to cope with. A lot of H1B applicants spent four years in a US college away from home and family. A lot of them took out loans to get through college in hopes of a better future. When they came in as students, they did not even qualify as immigrants (students are treated as non-immigrants). An H1B would have actually been their first step towards becoming a legal immigrant. Most of them were also depending on the H1B to earn and provide for their families back home. Not every graduating foreign student comes from a household considered as well-to-do in their home nations. A lot of them have struggled and survived through severe poverty and persecution. Unfortunately four years of hard work will have been rendered almost useless and all their dreams shattered once they get the news that the random selection of applications by the USCIS did not work in their favor.

As for those who got selected in the lottery, my big question is: Are they all truly deserving of an H1B? I look at H1B as a great opportunity for foreign nationals to gain skills and understanding from US organizations, which they could take home with them and use to their advantage. For the US it is nothing but a quick fix for shortage among highly qualified talent. It is the foreign worker who benefits the most from H1B in the long term. If the people who are getting these H1Bs as a result of the lottery are not as talented and/or qualified as the ones who are losing out, then the system is a big failure. What is more concerning is that if the people who are getting the H1Bs do not see it as an opportunity to advance and develop themselves but treat it as nothing more than the first step towards a permanent residency or citizenship in the US, then this lottery system would be unfair on a global scale. In essence, a future scientist from India, China, Kenya or Guatemala who could someday cure cancer or AIDS is at risk of losing that opportunity to an Indian IT analyst whose goal is to live in suburban NJ and drive a Toyota Camry (I am an Indian analyst and yes I said that).

The lottery based H1B selection process is a glaring testimony of how governments all around the world have no idea how to deal with immigration issues. But on a personal level, it makes me question the rationality of my 'hope'. Am I being dumb by brushing off each obstacle as another 'test of my character and resilience'? Is there a point at which I should allow a cloud of hopelessness to just engulf all my optimism?