Limes of India

I have been following the Times of India (TOI), a daily news publication, regularly since I moved to Mumbai. As expected the headlining news are terror related. However, I was surprised at how TOI sensationalised all terror related news. It was not just TOI but every other newspaper as well - Hindustan Times (HT), Daily News Analysis (DNA) etc. The sensationlizing process gets worse when it comes to TV news channels. It almost feels as if a soap opera were unfolding on the screen instead of a journalist trying to 'better inform' the nation's citizens.

Yesterday's (Sunday Sep 28 2008) TOI was once again littered with coverage of the crude bomb blast that took place in Delhi on Saturday, Sep 27. The news was titled DEADLY SATURDAY AGAIN.

They even had a cartoon depiction of the events.

Furthermore an entire page was dedicated to the bomb blast.

However, some upifting and positive-difference-making news were related to either the bottom sections or crammed with other news that the publishers must have felt obligated to report just because they are a media firm.

For instance this news about a 16 year old teenager who spends his sundays teaching English to a couple of Marathi girls on a volunteer project which ironically is a TOI initiative.

Also this news about a 13 year old who mobilised 300 students in his school and was able to raise Rs.1,00,000 in less than 2 weeks without direct contribution from any of the parents in the form of fat checks!

While the first news was in the bottom of page 2 the second one was on page 3 next to a real estate ad.

It all leads me to conclude that the Reign of Fear started by George Bush has been globalised. Here in Mumbai we are in a constant state of apprehension and caution. No one knows when and where the net bomb is going to go off. No one is sure if he or she will come back home after school or work or a trip to the market. The media has really 'empowered' the terrorist groups by not just reporting of their fatal undertakings but also giving them the publicity even celebrities crave for. (We not only know their names but also where they live and work, what they eat, who their family members are, how-when-where they put together certain plots and all kinds of information.) In short, thanks to hyper-coverage by the media outlets, today terror sells (almost as good as sex).

But then, why wouldn't it. Bomb blasts happen on a weekend basis in India. Bomb scares are daily occurences. Today (Monday Sep 29, 2008) 17 crude bombs were found in Ahmedabad. India might not be at war like Iraq. However, it is at war with itself. At times it seems as though God has forsaken his own country. Maybe I am right, hopefully I am wrong. Anand had a good post about the state of India on his blog few days ago.

P.S. Recent update from in.indiatimes.com: Live bomb defused by a civilian in Faridabad. Indians have gotten so used to bombs in public that even regular people can now defuse them. Enough said.

A CEO tale of 2 nations

CEO #1: Stanley O'Neal

In October 2007, former Merill CEO, Stanley O'Neal walked away with a package now worth about $66 million. O'Neal's pay package for his final year as a CEO was $46.4 million. He was forced out after the bank disclosed $7.9 billion in unexpected lossed related to the credit market crisis. 

His severance package of stock, options and retirement benefits built up over a 21-year career was valued at the time at $161 million. The market's downturn since then has driven the value down to about $66.5 million.

Less than a year since his departure, the investment house was forced into a takeover by Bank of America. Merrill Lynch investors have had to face $30.5 billion in write-downs and reported losses of nearly $17 billion in the three full fiscal quarters since O'Neal left. The takeover by Bank of America, bore an acquisition price of $29 a share — less than half what it was a year ago.

CEO #2: Ken Thompson

Ken Thompson was ousted from Wachovia in June 2008 with a "golden parachute" now worth more than $5 million. He got nearly $1.5 million in cash, plus stock options that are worth around $4 million today. Had the current stock price not been so low, he would have received other sock options as well. Among his many missteps, the biggest one was purchasing a California mortgage lender for roughly $25 billion at the height of the nation's housing boom. The move has led to massive losses at the bank. Thompson's total pay package in his last year as CEO was nearly $16 million.

CEO #3: Chuck Prince

Chuck Prince, former Citigroup CEO received  $10.4 million in cash, $1.5 million in perks and stock holdings valued at $22 million on his departure in November 2007.  That was after the  largest US bank announced far bigger-than-expected losses on mortgage-related assets and other risky debt. His parting 'gift' currently is valued at $16 million.

Under Prince's watch, Citigroup built up its exposure to mortgage and consumer credit markets, and he was paid handsomely for the effort. In his last fiscal year as CEO, his total pay package was nearly $25 million, according to an Associated Press CEO pay formula.

[MEANWHILE IN INDIA......]

September 22, 2008: The MD-cum-CEO of the India unit of Italian MNC, Graziano Trasmissioni, was bludgeoned to death by a 200-strong armed mob of previously fired workers. 

The mob also smashed 20 cars before beating to death the CEO, Lalit Kishore Chaudhary, with a hammer. 44 staffers were hospitalized with 10 in the ICU. 

A visitng Italian technical consultant's reaction to the incident: "I just locked my room's door from inside and I prayed they would not break in. See, my hands are trembling even three hours later!" (Given his luck, the Italian seems to have been blessed by the Pope before he left for the trip.)

Though it was workers and not shareholders who bludgeoned (TOI* - word of the day) the CEO, US shareholders could take a cue from this and make a stand outside the big I-bank HQs in NYC with hammers in their hands and rage in their eyes! Also, Indian CEOs could take precautioary steps and monitor shareholder activism in India. It is next to non-existent as of now but with the current global happenings, it will soon take some kind of form. It would be in their favor to make sure that shareholders do not break into their work premises brandishing hammers with an intent to bludgeon.

A quick statistical snapshot of Indian CEOs' pay:

Source: http://www.payscale.com/research/IN/Job=Chief_Executive_Officer_(CEO)/Salary

Mumbai and B'lore being commercial hubs, the above makes sense. Recent developments in the IT field in B'lore could have caused the CEO pay there to outstrip that of a Mumbai CEO. 

Source: http://www.payscale.com/research/IN/Job=Chief_Executive_Officer_(CEO)/Salary

Though there is a rising trend of becoming self-employed, CEOs of Public and Private companies still make mucho dinero than others. I doubt self-emplyoed CEOs will ever make more than their counterparts who are hired by companies. If they do then their firm is very likely to be bought by a company, anyways. 

I wonder who pays for CEOs of Trusts and Hospitals?

Source: http://www.payscale.com/research/IN/Job=Chief_Executive_Officer_(CEO)/Salary

Basically says: Be a CEO for 15 years and change career path - maybe become a super-consulatant.

Comparing Indian CEO pay with their respective company's profit and sales growth:

SALARIES AT THE TOP Do CEOs earn their salaries?
Name	Designation	Annual pay* (Rs crore)	Salary hike (%)	Co's sales  growth (%)	Co's profit growth (%)
Sunil Bharti Mittal	CMD, Bharti Airtel	12.68	78.34	58.47	100.45
Pawan Kant Munjal	MD, Hero Honda	15.22	15.74	13.61	-11.68
Rajiv Bajaj	MD, Bajaj Auto	2.08	362.20	24.16	10.13
Naveen Jindal	EVP and MD, Jindal Steel	13.54	248.00	36.00	23.00
B Muthuraman	MD, Tata Steel	2.20	13.40	15.36	20.41
K V Kamath	MD and CEO, ICICI Bank	2.48	35.51	60.73	22.45
Aditya Puri	MD, HDFC Bank	1.28	-1.50	53.93	31.08
Pankaj R Patel	CMD, Cadila Healthcare	9.93	32.40	13.47	24.14
Malvinder Mohan Singh	CEO, Ranbaxy	2.62	-2.23	15.13	70.11
Azim Premji	CMD, Wipro	2.53	-1.93	33.49	40.66
Gajendra Patni	ED, Patni Computer	2.00	26.58	13.96	5.84
Notes: The payments are according to the 2005-06 annual report;  The sales and profit growth figures are for 2006-07

Source: http://www.rediff.com/money/2007/may/28ceo.htm

Not as bad as the US except maybe Mr. Munjal might have to protect himself with a fleet of Hero Hondas in case of attack from bludgeoning shareholders in the future.

* TOI-Times of India, A leading English daily in India

Singing about body parts

Of Montreal, an indie pop band that has nothing to do with Cananda, have come out with a song titled Brush, Brush, Brush. On my second listening I realized it did actually talk about dental hygiene. It does not shock me that Of Montreal would sing about keeping one's mouth clean. In fact, I expect them to come out with a series of songs on taking care of every other body part including one's privates sometime in the future.

The song made me think about all the parts of a human body that bands and artists have been singing about. If we exclude heart as a body part (it being an internal organ), apparently eyes are the most sung about body part according to Wired.com. That is not surprising.

Yet another non-surprising fact is that the number of different body parts refered to is highest for hip-hop songs with human butt leading the pack. 

In this picture (taken from the Fleshmap site) the size of the circle is directly proportional to the the frequency with which the body part is on average mentioned in a hip-hop song. Eyes, head and face actually have larger circles than say dick, cock or pussy while breasts and tits each are surprsingly mentioned in less that 1% of all hip-hop songs. Though one could argue about the context in which the word 'head' is being used and what exactly is happening to the 'face' in the song. 

Visit the fleshmap project site if you want to see the official results of the project that actually corelates body parts with music genres. And I thought we needed to increase research money to find a cure for AIDS or invest taxpayers money to make sure that music programs don't get cancelled in schools!@#$

One of the greatest contributions from the category of songs that refer to body parts, is the coining of the word bootylicious by Destiny's Child. Bootylicious is a word mentioned in all English dictionaries across the world, published on paper or online. Its meaning as given by the old & reliable OED is shapely, voluptuous, especially in refernce to the buttocks.

As a sub-category to this category, is songs with body parts in their title. The titles pan across a wide range of body parts. On one end we have songs titled Sleight of Hand (Pearl Jam) and Insane in the Bran (Cypress Hill). On the other end we have the outright explicit titles like It's about time you sucked on my Penis (Shat) and Gilded Cunt (Cradle of Filth). I hope no one even tries to correlate body parts in song titles with genres or see which body part is most mentioned in song titles. It is not gonna help any songwriter. 

Going back to Of Montreal's Brush, Brush, Brush, it has to be a pioneering song in the sub-category of maintianing a body part. I mean it does not just say what one would want to do to somebody's body part (for instance 'slap your booty', 'squeeze your tits', 'blow your brains' etc.), but advises the listener to take good care of it.

This happens only in India

So the story goes a little something like this.

INTRO:

Bangalore teenager steals gold jewelry from his employer with hopes of moving to Dubai and living a good life off of his loot.

TWIST1:

For unknown but definitely stupid reasons he comes to Mumbai instead of arranging for his Dubai flight from Bangalore - a place he knows better.

BEGINNING OF THE END:

In Mumbai he puts his trust on a cabbie and conveys his entire Ramkatha to him. The cabbie in turn 'advises' the jewlry thief to get a passport and even offers to help himout through an agent he knows. The cabbie takes him for a ride till he desperately needs to pee. 

TWIST2:

While on his pee break the cabbie takes off with the goodies. (Big Surprise!)

MIDDLE OF THE END or Unbelivably-Stupid-Move:

The not-so-bright teenage robber cooks up a story of being kidnapped with his boss' gold and waking up on a train bound for Mumbai  WITH ALL THE GOLD! The stupid part is that he goes to the police with this story.

THE EVENTS UNFOLD:

The Mumbai police soon finds out that the Bangalore Police is searching for the embarrasingly-dumb teenage criminal. The blockhead finally confesses to the police. However, in stark contrast to his lack of intelligence, he is able to give the police the license plate number of the cab!

TWIST3:

The cops find the cab but the driver and the gold are missing. The teenager is handed over to B'lore Police while the Mumbai Police begins its search for the missing cabbie in Uttar Pradesh.

Of course, you can go ahead and add an ending to the story then sell it as a concept to Bollywood. Before that check out this link, because the above sequence of events actually occured in real life.

Moral of the story: Mumbai might have long been a safe haven for Chors, but you can't already be a chor before you move to Mumbai anymore. There is no vacancy for newbies in the chor industy anymore. So please, chors from outside Mumbai need not come here.

Sub-moral of the story: Stealing gold=bad. Telling a cabbie that you have stolen gold=super bad. Getting into a mumbai cab without having emptied your bladders and then trusting the cabbie to wait while you go pee = heights of being a moron.

Now, if only someone could, maybe, make a comic strip of the above events? (Strong hint for my colleague who just invested in a digital sketch pad and has comic sketching skills).

Soon, we are going to see a movie about greed in Wall Street

If you are not aware of the Global Financial Crisis that is going on right now, then you are missing out on real-life details of a likely future Hollywood mega-movie. Way too much has been written all around the world about the recent financial meltdown. But nothing better than this:

Sympathy for the Shorts
(Lyrics by WilliamBanzai7)

Please allow me to introduce myself
Im a man of wealth and taste
Ive been around for a long, long year
Stole many a mans nest egg and faith
And I was round when Livermore
Had his moment of doubt and pain
Made damn sure that Milken
Washed his hands and sealed his fate
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name
But whats puzzling you
Is the nature of my game
I stuck around AIG
When I saw it was a time for a change
Fired the CEO and his SVPs
While Bernanke screamed in vain
I killed a bank
Was best friends with Hank
When the markets raged
And the cold Pizzas stank
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name, oh yeah
Ah, whats puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah
I watched with glee
While your investment banks bleed
Fought for ten decades
To kill paper they made
I shouted out,
Who killed the GSEs?
When after all
It was you and me
Let me please introduce myself
Im a man of wealth and taste
And I laid traps for bankers
Who get fired before they reach Mumbai
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
But whats puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah, get down, baby
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
But whats confusing you
Is just the nature of my game
Just as every banker is a criminal
And all the investors saints
As heads is tails
Just call me hedge fund joe
cause Im in need of some restraint
So if you meet me
Have some courtesy
Have some sympathy, and some taste
Use all your well-learned risk controls
Or Ill lay your trading book to waste, um yeah
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, um yeah
But whats puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, um mean it, get down
Woo, who
Oh yeah, get on down
Oh yeah
Oh yeah!
Tell me baby, whats my name

— Posted by williambanzai7

The above was posted as a response to an article on the NY Times website. Thanks a lot Willambanzai7!

I believe it is one of the most exciting pieces of writing I have come across in a long time. No prizes for guessing the song on which it is based, but have to say it is a very appopriate and clever choice. If someone could actually put up a you-tube video of the song's performance complete with shots of Dick "Mighty Failure" Fuld and the entire crumbling Wall Street, it would make for a good office break for millions across the world.

Also, in case you have been trying to follow the crisis but can't make heads or tails from what the media has reported so far, this article from the NY Times should help a lot.

http://freakonomics.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/09/18/diamond-and-kashyap-on-the-recent-financial-upheavals/

The post is by Steven Levitt but the explanation to the crisis is given by 2 professors from the Chicago Graduate School of Business. It is a long but good read - especially helpful if you are one of those who has had money invested in the stock market but have no clue how the recent events affect your investments. It is the same article under which the insanely talented williambanzai7 posted his above super-song.

If you are still reading this at work and need a quick fix of Lehman's misery, check out this link.

It is a post from my colleague's blog that shows the loyalty of the coffee seller outside Lehman's NYC HQ. He calls it heart wrenching, I call it perfect Hollywood material.

My final words: RIP I-banks (and hopefully overpaid, useless, fat, balding, senile, prosthetic-penis-bearing CEOs).